5:50 am Struggle

Sometimes you don’t know how sleepy you are until you find yourself fumbling with clothes while standing on one leg, balancing against the side of the hull, before your early shift. Can’t fit into my shorts for some reasons. A call to the Nike customer support would go like this:

Nike:     Ma’am, has your caloric intake increased within the last few weeks?

Me:       Yes, sir, we have been pigging out since Thanksgiving but not since yesterday when I wore them last. (Yes, it is not only acceptable to wear yesterday’s clothes for the next day’s shift but kind of expected).)

Nike:     Ma’am, can you describe those shorts to me please, I need a year and a model – a friendly man with indescribable accent chats into my ear.

Me:       Well…um… I bought these shorts over 15 years ago in the North Bend outlet mall. North Bend, Washington is where Twin Peaks was shot. Have you seen that series? How about the new one that came out a couple of years ago? Not yet? You should, David Lynch is getting weirder and weirder. And Kyle McLaughlan hasn’t changed. Yes, he is still very hot. Do you know he grew up in Washington state and went to UW?

Me:       About the shorts? What about them? Oh, right, right. They are off-white and above the knee length, they don’t wrinkle and somehow, they don’t fall apart, they have traveled to many countries. Yes, that’s right, I called about them two years ago when I couldn’t get that red dust from Madagascar Tsingy Rouge after multiple washes.

Me:       Pockets? I think there are pockets.

Nike:     Ma’am, are you wearing your pajama shorts as well by any chance?

Me:       Ummmm, yes, thanks. That did the trick. Have a good day.

My shorts suddenly don’t have a zipper pull anymore.

Nike:     Ma’am I think I just talked to you a few mins ago, what seems to be the problem? Oh ok, let’s try this – can you check for me please if you are trying to put on your shorts inside out? Oh, that worked, no problem, glad to hear. A good thing to remember is to check first if your pockets are inside out. Have a smooth sailing ma’am and don’t hesitate to call us any time. Thanks for being a loyal customer.

Tired. Just like the rest of the crew.