Tonight, on my shift we will cross the equator. Pierre tells me I must give gifts to Neptune. What kind? Good ones, like a laptop and the like, he replies.  I am willing to sacrifice the fridge, the dessalator, and a bunch of other broken things but my environmentally conscious citizen’s mind won’t let me go there. The best thing on this boat is my husband. Can I throw him while he is wearing the Spinlock and then reel him in with the Life-Sling? The captain says “no”. During my night shift, I squeeze into the chest-minimizing device (aka Spinlock harness) and fiercely steer the ship towards the equator. The…